The Way of Love

Meditation in essence is a Path of Love, whatever terrain we are following, whatever map we are working with.

In today's world, astoundingly, almost all meditators are "just regular people," living their lives, and exploring meditation as part of their day, as a refuge, time of healing, and method of becoming more relaxed and centered in action.

We are all still mapping out this path, that we can call The Way of Intimacy, because it is very different to get up in the morning, walk the dogs, feed the kids, see them off to school, go to work, and so on – compared to waking up in a monastic cell and just following the monastic routine that is unchanged for centuries.

Previously, for thousands of years, "regular people who live in the world," were not much heard of in terms of meditation, the voices that have carried over the centuries are primarily those of specialists, almost exclusively males who separated themselves from the ordinary pursuits of relationships and business and having a home, and just gave their all to cultivating the techniques of meditation. I used to have thousands of books on meditation, from all manner of traditions around the world, and none of them contained anything resembling, "This morning I got up, grabbed half an hour of ecstatic meditation, then nursed the baby, make breakfast for the other kids, got back into bed to snuggle with my husband or lover, then went to work at my to-do list." 

In its origins, the meditation tradition is based on the notion that there are four general currents of desire propelling human life: Love, freedom, satisfying work, and honor. In Sanksrit Kama Moksha Artha and Dharma. The purpose of yoga (in the past, yoga=meditation) is to enable an individual to fulfill these desires to the best of their ability. Yoga, or meditation, is a technology to enhance the coordination of all that is best in a person and to help them bring this to meet the needs and opportunities of the outer world.

Even when the methodology of the discipline involves renunciation, detachment, celibacy, and poverty, the overall aim is to free the individual up from everyday concerns so that they can devote themselves totally to God, or Cosmic Consciousness, however they construe the Higher Power and higher purposes of living. 

Even when the path is The Way of the Warrior, it is still love, for warriors fight for the sake of the love of their team, and country, and cause. Above all, warriors train themselves so that war is unnecessary and unthinkable, and so that the rest of the 99% of humanity can just go about their business, and live their lives.

When the path is The Way of the Healer, we can see this is a path of love, certainly, attending to the wounds of body and heart and mind and soul, and encouraging health in all dimensions. 

As you explore, "What is my path, what are the essential characteristics of MY way," keep in mind that you may touch upon many different tones as you explore what works. You may have elements of the Warrior Way that you summon from time to time, when dealing with a difficult conversation, or if you are a mother raising sons and daughters. You may touch upon the Way of the Healer, summoning that inner power, when listening to a friend who is suffering. You may even have an inner nun or monk, a steady presence that inspires and sustains you as you walk this way of human incarnation.

On this Path of Love, which is also a Way of Individuality, there is a lot of wondering to do. Even though we know ourselves only to a limited extent, we have to guess and explore as best we can, and find what works, by experimentation, trial and error. We have to discover who we are in conversation with life, just as when we are in relationships with friends and lovers, we discover who we are.

Meditation is a conversation with pranashakti, with the Life Force, however we like to name it. There is a give and take, a sense of adventure, and continual surprise on this path

Swami Brahmananda Saraswati

Love Is a Practice

Love is an energy, a Shakti, that calls us to unify ourselves internally, merge body and soul, and form a relationship with another being. There are many forms of love: the kind of love we have for a friend, a sexual partner, a family member, and the profound, unconditional love we share with a pet. 

Great skill is required in every moment of love. Each relationship asks to be cherished and held in our awareness in a particular way; it requires balance of a specific kind, and uses different emotional muscles. A love relationship is a type of asana flow. 

Love is a particular practice of yoga – complex, demanding, and exhausting. It can also be the most meaningful and rewarding practice in the world. When we give our total attention to someone, a special quality of spaciousness and tranquility can emerge. 

In the love song between Shiva and Shakti called The Radiance Sutras, we hear:

 Love is particular.
When you love someone,
A tangible, touchable someone, 
The whole world opens up. 

If you want to know the universe, 
Dare to love one person. 
All the secret teachings are right here— 
Go deeper, and deeper still. 

The gift of concentration
Is the spaciousness that surrounds it. 

Focus illuminates immensity.

vastvantare vedya māne
sarva vastuṣu śūnyatā
tām eva manasā dhyātvā 
vidito 'pi praśāmyati

Constructing an approximate pronunciation:

vastu–antare vedya–maane
sarva–vastushu shoonyataa
taam eva manasaa dhyaatvaa
viditah api pra-shaamyati

Consulting the Monier-Williams Sanskrit-English Dictionary, we see:

Vastu - becoming light, dawning. The seat of any really existing substance or essence. In philosophy - the real, opposed to that which does not really exist, the unreal. The right thing, a valuable or worthy object. In music, a kind of composition. The essence or substance of anything. Antare - amidst, among, between. Vedya - notorious, celebrated. To be learned or known. To be recognized. Relating to the Veda. To be married. Sarva - whole, entire, all, every, everything, all together, in all parts, everywhere. Sunyata - emptiness, loneliness, desolateness, distraction. Nothingness, non-existence, non-reality, illusory nature of all worldly phenomena. Sunya - void of results. Bare, naked. Guileless, innocent. Space, heaven, atmosphere. Tam eva - that indeed. Manas - mind in its widest sense as applied to all the mental powers, intelligence, understanding, perception, sense, the faculty or instrument through which thoughts enter or by which objects of sense affect the soul; the breath or living soul which escapes from the body at death. Thought, imagination, invention, intention, affection, desire, mood, temper, spirit. Dhyana - meditation, thought, reflection. Mental representation of the personal attributes of a deity. Vidita - known, understood, perceived. Information, representation. Api - and, also, assuredly. Prasam - to become calm or tranquil, be soothed, settle down. To make subject, subdue, conquer.

The imagery in these definitions suggests the poetic truth, a language of the heart:

Love is light. This is real. This is essence. This is to be known. To love is to know. Everything is right here. The world is not real. This love is real, right now. My mind, my heart, my very breath, are focused on you. I am naked before you. I surrender, I am conquered by this love. I die into this love, I let go. The spaciousness around us is heaven.

This verse hints at the idea that when you love one tangible person or thing, everything else melts into nothingness. When meditating on that spaciousness, the mind is able to rest in tranquility.

These are experiences that lovers know in the intensity of love’s flow. When you are with your cat, dog, boyfriend, girlfriend, mate, or child, and love streams through you, body and soul are united in loving attention. This yoga of love is a practice that occurs naturally to everyone who loves deeply. 

When you focus on something that engages your entire interest, the mundane world dissolves and all your troubles are forgotten. You melt into the spaciousness that is holding you both. This is wonderfully peaceful. You are walking on air. This tranquility, however brief, is a nectar, a magic food that soothes the nerves and gives strength to keep on loving. The total involvement of our full capacity to perceive opens the doorway into the surprising moments of communion when the outer world fades away into an illusion and we realize, “this is heaven.” 

In order to love fully, we need to utilize all of our senses – vision, hearing, balance, motion, touch, smell, and taste. For example, our bodies are permeated with sensors—stretch receptors that inform us of how far we are extending as we move. We also have a sense of heart-stretch, and through this sensation, we are called to say ‘yes’ to the ache of loving. The heightened sensory appreciation we cultivate through practice lights up our inner pathways, so that we learn how to go inside and draw on greater reserves of strength and forgiveness. Savoring the moments of tranquility soothes us, so that we can practice graceful responses beyond mechanical reactivity of fear and anger.

When we adore someone, we even love their idiosyncracies, all of their weird but charming quirks: the sound of their laughter, the way they want to be touched, the way they perceive the world. We delight in their ever-evolving soul expression. 

Love is a perpetual meditation as we cherish those we love and hold them in our hearts. In this sutra, Shiva is pointing out that any object we love and attend to wholeheartedly is a worthy mantra or doorway into practice. The tools of yoga meditation can be used with any perception – shift from the outer physical level to the subtle essence and then into heavenly spaciousness.

*This approach to Sanskrit, of listening to the poetic resonance inside it, could be termed a “semantic field” (SA) analysis, as contrasted with a grammatical analysis (GA.) A GA analysis of this verse might be, “When you perceive a particular object, all other objects will melt into nothingness. Meditate on that nothingness and rest in tranquility.”

**Thanks to Dr. John Casey for consulting on the pronunciation.

Secrets of Intimacy: Establish Rapport and Dance With Emotion

Life is movement. Our heart beats; our breath flows; our brain waves. All of our cells are continually dancing. With each breath, air moves and the body moves to welcome and then expel the air. We are always in motion on every level.

When we meditate, we come into rapport with ourselves. All the different rhythms that are going on come into synchronization. Meditation is like the orchestra tuning up before a performance. The musicians sit down, take out their instruments, and start making notes, at first discordant, and then more and more harmonious.

When we come into rapport with another person, some of our rhythms synchronize with them. If we are listening, we may nod at the end of their sentences, to indicate that we understand. When people are in very close rapport, they may blink at the same time and breathe in the same rhythm. Conversational synchrony is a primarily unconscious, but very vital aspect of communication.

When you are more in tune with yourself from meditation, it is easier to be in rapport with anyone else that you choose. Whether you are speaking or listening, your instrument – your nervous system – is in better shape for communication. Meditation helps you to stay true to your own rhythm even while adapting to the needs of the outer situation.

Sometimes it is necessary to break rapport with someone, or with a group, in order to re-establish your own rhythm. Awareness of rapport can help you to do this. You need to be able to move to the pulse of your inner world as well as adapt to the tempo of life around you.

DANCE WITH EMOTION

Emotion is the blood of a relationship, a stream of vital energy that is meant to be flowing freely, in full color. Emotion is our response to what life presents, and those we love want us to be responsive to them. You can’t have an open heart if you are not feeling your emotions.

Emotion is excitement about life and takes many tones: joy, sorrow, reverence, fear, hate, anger, and love. Emotion is energetic and propels us into action. Emotion can also lead us into our inner world and serve as a gateway to meditation.

Having a rich, full life means being able to feel the entire spectrum of emotion. You need to be able to accept and move with all emotions, and to do so in an appropriate way. This is enormously challenging for any human being.

Emotions are experienced as thoughts and sensations. When you focus on the sensation underlying any emotion, you may sense motion in some part of your body – in the belly, or chest, or throat. You may have butterflies in your stomach, pangs in your heart, a lump in your throat.

In meditation we can track the movement of emotion and learn from it. If meditation is listening to yourself, then the conversation is like talking to a good friend or a therapist who helps you to get at what you are really feeling.

Sensing emotion utilizes an entire universe of circuitry in the brain, senses, muscles, and glands.

During meditation, we witness an infinite variety of ever-changing emotions, like inner fireworks. This is one of the most interesting and tricky aspects of meditation practice.

There is a syzygy between passion and equanimity. Because meditation is intrinsically so calming, it is necessary to cherish emotions so that we do not become overly complacent. We each have to work out our best balance.

Meditation is often interpreted as suppressing emotion, because for the past 2500 years or so, meditation has primarily been practiced by renunciates living in religious communities. Their day job is to be calm at all times and not get excited. However, when people who are living in the world mistakenly practice suppression of the emotions in meditation, they can become dull and devitalized.

One practical effect of meditation is that it gives us a half-second lead time when emotions arise, where we can witness them, enjoy them, sense the underlying perception, accept the energy of the emotion, and express it. If we are in a situation where we have to keep quiet, meditation helps us to do so without suppressing ourselves. This enhanced awareness helps us to receive the gift of emotion, join with the energy and let it take us into a more passionate connection with life.

Love Yoga

Each of us is a combination of many elements: body and soul, flesh and spirit, animal and human. The purpose of meditation is to provide a meeting ground where all the elements of your being can come into a harmonious relationship. When our disparate elements meet, they can become friends, mates even.

Every relationship we have is structured around opposites. Whether it is your relationship with life, with yourself, or with another person. There are many opposite elements to integrate: time together and time apart, work and play, listening and speaking, safety and adventure. Additionally, we have to learn to balance our own needs with those of others.

Conflict between any of these opposites can tear us to shreds and ruin a relationship. Whenever one side represses the other, or excludes the other, the polarities go to war. Meditation turns the war dance into a mating dance.

The polarities need each other. On the most basic biological level, you breathe out in order to breathe in. If you don’t breathe out, there is no room in your lungs for the fresh air. Love relationships are about giving and receiving different elements that we crave. We can be overbalanced on one end of the continuum, more adept at giving than receiving, for example. A healthy relationship is one in which there is a flow between the opposites. We need to exercise both ends of the continuum, create more flexibility and fluidity between them.

Meditation is the perfect place to get used to both giving and receiving love. Meditation lets us turn the conflict between opposites into a continuum, or pairing of opposites. Meditation itself is a mating dance, because the dynamics of relationship are present in the experience of meditation. When you meditate, you give yourself a time and place where you can allow the opposites to dance around inside your being, approach and learn to like each other, make friends and even get engaged.

When opposites come into conjunction, it is called “syzygy,” (pronounced siz – a – gee) from a Greek word meaning union or marriage. When the sun, the earth and the moon line up, it’s called a syzygy. All those y’s in syzygy (Who ever heard of three y’s in a six-letter word?) -- are because it comes from the same root as yoga.

We need to use this special term because we are talking about a special form of attention, inclusive of the opposites and the continuum between them. This “continuum perception” is one of the great secrets of meditation and is what allows it to be a meeting place for flesh and spirit, for example. During meditation you learn to perceive flesh as a condensed form of spirit and spirit as a refined form of flesh. We call this principle “love yoga”, or the union of opposites.